Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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