For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
