I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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