sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize