I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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