Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
