So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
