wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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