If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize