i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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