so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
