Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
