Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My underwear smells like fireworks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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