I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
