Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
