i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
