Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
