"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
