Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
