Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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