these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
