once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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