he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
