Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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