She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
