i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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