I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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