you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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