I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm too high and old for this...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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