i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
