im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
