Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
