I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
