Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
