i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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