I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
