i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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