So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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