I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
