He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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