Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
