I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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