If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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