i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize