oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
