I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
