a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
