Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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