She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
