Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
