drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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