His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
