Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize