She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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