So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
