He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
