sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
True strength comes from lack of pants
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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