Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
