i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize