He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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