Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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