Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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