I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
