I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
