I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i barfeds in our rink
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
