When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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