Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
