Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
