If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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