i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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