My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize